dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
