Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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