Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
