are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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