quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
