Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We have so much sex to catch up on
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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