? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Pants are for mortals
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
