Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
