Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
