At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
