i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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