he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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