erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
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There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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