college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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