She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
