Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
