Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
