There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He passed out mid-signature
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You dont lie about slip and slides
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
