im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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