Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
