Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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