I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
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I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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