Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
