So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
