if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
