I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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