pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
