Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
