hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
