cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
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the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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