Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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