I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
