I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
