Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
