NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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