good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.