Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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