The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex