Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
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Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.