Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.