My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.