They should really pass out barf bags in church
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
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You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
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i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?