It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
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Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
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The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night