My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
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Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
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Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth