Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
