I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
