I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
