Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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