OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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