definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
