How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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