hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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