we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
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He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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