I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
