just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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