Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
