What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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