what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
