he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
