I'm gonna have a badass scar
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
