LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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