I smell stomach acid.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
