my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
