My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize