i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
