Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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