the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
